Comparisons and celibate (Side B) gay Christians

One thing that gay Christians are often told by some straight Christians is that being gay is similar to their own struggles. They say that everyone has sexual struggles, and that being gay is this gay Christians's struggle. They'll have to bear it just like they, as straight Christians, have borne own sexual struggles.

While I can see the empathetic motivation in this - mentioning your own struggles to let your gay Christian friend know their not alone in theirs - I do think there's a problem in this approach that might leave some gay Christians feeling a bit stranded, in a way. 

See, for gay Christians, they face a huge decision. They are two main options available to them. Either, they can choose to be celibate for the rest of their lives (Side B), or they can choose Side A and enter into a relationship with a member of the same-sex. Chances are, if you are a Side B straight Christian, you think that Side B is the correct path for your gay Christian friend. So, you'd encourage them to live a life of celibacy, right?. (There's also Side X, which many straight Christians endorse - however, there are major problems with this approach that I'll talk about later).

The problem is that the main sexual issues straight Christians face - lust and staying abstinent until marriage - don't really compare to life-long celibacy. 

For example, Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:9 says (NIV), "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." See, abstinent straight Christians who lack the self-control for life-long celibacy have the opportunity to get married. But for Side B Christians who don't have the gift of celibacy, they don't have this option. Even if they lack self-control and are 'burning with passion', they can't get married according to their Side B beliefs about homosexuality (some may argue they could get married to someone of the opposite sex - but I think there's some major moral issues with that). They have to stay abstinent their whole lives, while a straight Christian only has to remain abstinent until marriage. While everyone they know in the Church may be starting families, having kids, they have to remain single. If they want to stay true to their beliefs, they can't do any of those things. They will be single for the rest of their lives.

Can you even begin to imagine what that would feel like? 

It takes a huge amount of strength and faith to do that, and it's one of the reasons I'm supportive of Side B gay Christians, even though I'm Side A myself. 

The truth is, it doesn't compare. Besides the sheer scope of the struggle, being gay is not simply about sexual attraction. There's all sorts of other issues tied into it - how you're viewed by others, how you'll fit in at Church (some more conservative Churches don't even support Side B gay Christians - it's 'change' or get out), your own identity, etc.

While such a comparison is often made out of the best compassionate intentions, I think it's good to look more closely and think of how these statements will be heard and understood by gay Christians. Likewise, I think it's good to look at things from the perspective of the Side B gay Christian. They're bravely embarking on living a life in tune with how they believe God wants them to live, one that will be very challenging and that I think is very admirable. I think the question the Church needs to ask itself, is how can we, as Christians, bear their burdens, as Paul talks about in Galatians 6:2: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."? 

How can the Church be more welcoming of them as gay Christians and help bear the burdens and challenges they face? 

Are there places where they can openly talk about their struggles? Is there a safe space where they can talk to other Side B gay Christians? When there are Church events for families and couples, are there events for Side B gay Christians?